Getting to know you…

Thanks for dropping by!

Hello!  I know my blog is very new, and quite frankly, I never expected anyone to read it.  In the past few days I have had an abundance of visitors and could not be more ecstatic!  It all started when I found this amazing website  http://www.stirrup-queens.com/ and decided that I would like to be a part of her awesome blog community.  Whether you find my blog from there, or somewhere else, Welcome.

It never dawned on me that other people, people who I did not even know, could be a web of support and a shoulder to lean on.  For this I am so grateful and I am now committed to updating my blog and sharing my journey as a member of this supportive IF group.  I kind of knew that keeping an “online journal” or “blog” could be very therapeutic for me, but I never imagined how much I would gain from it.  The feeling of pure excitement and relief when I see a comment from a reader who knows what I am talking about, or who is going through the same struggles I am has really made this journey easier, and has made me feel less alone.  That has become the best part of my day and of this whole short experience so far.

As I started reading other people’s blogs I came to the conclusion that the stories may differ, but the emotions are all the same.  We are a group of strong women, going through hell and back sometimes, to make our dreams come true.  Reading the blogs of other women going through fertility treatments gives me strength, hope, and wisdom.  I cheer along with them when they get their BFP’s, and feel sad when their journey does not go as planned. 
 
In honor of the new sense of community I am feeling, I would like to take a moment just to thank you.  Thank you for visiting, commenting, sharing your story, and keeping up your own blog if you do.  

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Holy IVF Batman!

Round 1 didn’t work.  Well it did…but not really.  That was our first and last IUI.

Round 2 on the other hand…well, let’s just say we are pulling out all the stops, trying IVF and really hoping that this is it for us.

It better be, because I have a feeling my body will hate me after all these meds and might not cooperate out of spite.  I found out at my RE appointment yesterday that I will be injecting more hormones in my body over the next two months then a bovine gets in a whole year leading up to their demise before heading to the meat-packing district.  Seriously.  There are three different medications I’ll be giving myself via multiple daily injections.  But I am a trooper and will take it like a super hero.  Who knows, I might even don a black cape each night while mixing my meds.  Ha!  That would scare my DH.  Either way…..he should be scared – as I am quite confident over the next two months he will not be very happy with me.  I have been reading up on the various IVF protocol medications and their side effects..needless to say that all of those women claimed they started acting like nothing short of the devil.  I refuse to put my DH through any more mood swings than usual!

So now that I’m realizing there  is so much to learn when starting IVF, I feel like I should have gone to college longer and perhaps acquired a degree of some sort.  Yesterday the nurse gave me a calendar and a list of the bajillion meds and sent me on my way.  After reading it, I was very confused and worried I would somehow screw this up.  I truly feel had the paper work been presented in Chinese, I would have had better luck deciphering it.  Luckily, I have a phone consult in a few weeks to go over the forms, protocol as well as any questions I might have, and trust me, I will have plenty of questions.

As of today I am on phase one…starting the BCP’s, which seems so backwards to me.  Why is it that the only time in my entire life I have ever been on birth control, is when I am trying to get knocked up.  Must be another cruel joke of TTC.  In a few weeks, I will start the next step which is Lupron, then Follistim and Menapour.  Throw in some prenatal’s, a Valium, and vaginal suppositories and there might be a party at my house soon!

Because I am gearing up to put my body through hell, my mind has started catching up on the reality of TCC and it’s becoming a drop off zone for irrational thoughts.  It started this morning with, “What if I really do get pregnant?” and “OMG, how will I care for this child.”  Crazy right?  Talk about putting the cart before the horse.  My DH said, “let’s just try to make the baby first, then we can figure out what to do with it.”  Okay, I guess that is the plan, seems more rational than anything I was coming up with.  I’m staying confident that my maternal instincts will kick in and help us figure out what to do.

Until then, I have my weekly acupuncture appointments to provide some stress relief and relaxation.  Everything will be ok.

In the waiting room…

The DH and I are sitting here in the waiting room of the fertility office. It’s kind of weird being in here, waiting for the procedure is nerve wracking but I am trying to remain calm.

On another note, my clinic has offices all over the Chicago area, and where I live in the suburbs. I usually go to the same office each time but had to schedule the IUI at the downtown office because they are the only office open 7 days a week. The nurse was afraid I would surge over the weekend. Anyway, it was a pain driving down here but it is so beautiful I’m glad we did.

The office is right on the river and the DH and I stood outside and relaxed for a few minutes before going in. It was a nice way to start the day!

Let’s keep our fingers crossed

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Fertile Myrtle…or not?

I AM SO NERVOUS!!!!

Will I be one of those lucky few I read about in the infertility forums who get a BFP after their first IUI?  Will I have to do multiple IUI’s or eventually IVF??  The unknown is super scary, but when the  unknown is also uncontrollable, the crazy, OCD, control freak in me screams and talks to me in my sleep!!!  I have not even tried to get preggo yet so in my head, I am fertile myrtle until proven otherwise.  That is how I am staying sane.  Judge me, call me an unrealistic optimist, but I am banking on my cozy uterus, hardworking ovaries, and special super sperm to make us a baby asap!

I’ve decided that fertility treatments are a crap shoot and I don’t gamble so I’m not getting the hang of all these percentages. It seems weird to me that  a 36-year-old woman with one tube and pcos gets preggo on her first try, yet the 24-year-old girl in the peak of health eventually has to have IVF.  Does that make sense?  Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely happy for each and every woman who has a baby, especially when they have been trying so hard.  It is just insane to me how random the whole BFP outcomes seem to be. 

Well, our first IUI is scheduled for Thursday.  I had an 18 mm follie, and 9mm lining as of CD14 and since I am triggering on CD15 (tonight), I am hoping both have grown a bit in the last 24 hours.  It only takes one sperm and one egg.  Hopefully our thawed popsicle sperm have been given the pep talk at the doctors office and are excited to go find my egg!  Think of it as a very important Easter hunt.  I was thinking about leaving them directions somewhere in there, but since that is not possible, I will stick to taking the day off work, keeping my hips elevated, and chanting nursery rhymes while meditating so they have an easier journey…ok now I sound crazy.

I have never once in my life been one of those lucky people who win contests, races, awards, or anything really.  But this is the most important thing I will ever do in my entire life and I am praying that for once, I will be one of those lucky woman who wins a BFP on the first try!